I promise you, I almost threw my phone away!
I know how dramatic that sounds but this happened in real life, lol. I got back from work and we did the usuals – hugs, homework and dinner.
As is our culture, he gets 30 minutes of cartoon time on my phone because he’s been an absolutely amazing boy. Okay, that’s not entirely true. He gets to watch cartoons because he feels entitled to my destiny and I need that time to sort uniform and other matters arising.
We take a bath, say our bedtime prayers and turn off the lights. He’s a cuddly one, thanks to me and my endless kissing and hugging. We spend a few minutes fighting for sleep and eventually I feel like he’s dozing off already.
I breathe a “praise God oh” and pick up my phone so I can be the baby girl that Lagos has tried to suffocate.
5 minutes later, I hear a grudging “mummy you don’t like me?” I know I was supposed to laugh, but I can’t lie my heart cut!
People say this is how the feeling of rejection starts. Start what?! We just hugged and kissed, I had only picked up my phone.
Wait, you think I’m running helter-skelter, doing a job I don’t like so much, using up my data for your learning videos and depriving myself of babygehness and you get to ask me that?! No dear, you don’t get to do that.
Well, that wasn’t my response. I discarded that phone with immediate alacrity and scooped up my child. “Jedidiah, I love you the mostest in the whole wide world. What?! Don’t ever think that okay. Mummy loves you very much and you are her bestest human being.”
He eventually falls asleep and I cry a little. I thought I was just being emotional and then I decided to sit with it. I cried out of shame. Yeah, that’s it. Shame at myself for every time I ever questioned God’s love for me.
A frail and ordinary human like me knows that without a shadow of doubt, I’d get in front of a moving truck for this 3-year-old human. Why did I ever think any less of God, my Abba Father?
A frail and ordinary human like me knows that without a shadow of doubt, I’d get in front of a moving truck for this 3-year-old human.Why did I ever think any less of God, my Abba Father? Click To TweetI know it doesn’t look as deep as I’m trying hard to paint it, but a scripture comes to mind.
“If ye being evil, know how to give gifts to your children…” Matt 7:11-12
Omo! The Bible says “how shall he not freely add whatever kinikankinakan that I’m looking for in this life since he freely gave up his son?” [paraphrased] Rom 8:32
God says he has loved me with an everlasting love but Nigeria will do me small shege and I’ll start crying “Eli Eli lama sabactani”, abi how he talk am?
Just like the child, we may be tempted to doubt God’s love and care for us. However, God’s love is sure and steadfast. His commitment to the believer is unwavering. He has shown this ultimately by the sacrifice of his son. No present circumstance shall be able to separate us from his love.
Therefore, cast aside every doublemindedness about his fatherhood.
God cares for you! He loves you with everlasting love. Revel in this and let your soul rest in full assurance.
My experiences with children influence how I think and speak. I like food.
Is the “kinikankinikan” for me 🤭😅, and i must confess st. Chika you get it all,
Beautiful piece, Chika. We never know what our earthly parents and our Father in Heaven do for us to keep on surviving, existing and being happy. And yet we doubt God? May God forgive us all.
This is so nice. Thanks for this piece 🔥
This is so nice. Thanks for this
A lovely piece of art. It had me glued from start to finish. How we doubt God’s love so easily, yet he is always with us.
I enjoyed it!
A beautiful piece that says so much about God’s live toward us ❤