On Japa Traps; Assistant Sweethearts and Backup Plans

Have you noticed how it seems like you meet “more amazing” people when you have issues with your partner?

I mean, you meet this new girl and she just gets you. She doesn’t nag like the one you call your boo and she pays attention to the small details that concern you. Or you meet this new guy and he’s just such a good listener; he gives you all his attention and is so easy to talk to.

Or it could even be an old friend with whom you suddenly find out you have so much in common. Sometimes they’re usually more than one. It almost feels like they’re subscribed to newsletters from your relationship and they get an alert the moment you start having issues with your partner and have come to show you what you’re missing. They are everything that your partner isn’t and offer everything your partner doesn’t.

And now you’re wondering if you are in the right relationship. The urge to flirt with other people just to make your partner jealous becomes even more tempting in these times.

Hello, Brother. Look here, Sister. No be so oo. It’s all a trap.

What you are not going to do is hurry out of your relationship to be with “Brother Listener” or “Sister Understanding”. Your partner has their weaknesses. They are not perfect. You probably saw these flaws before you went into a relationship with them. You knew they wouldn’t disappear suddenly.

Don’t be deceived by the several hours of uninterrupted attention that Mr. Caring has given you in recent times that your partner seems to be incapable of. He’s got his baggage too. Don’t we all? We must constantly check our motives. They are just as important as our actions, and so you must question your sudden desires to have those intimate conversations with another person during your downtimes with your partner.

In moments like this, you must remember that while a relationship is not necessarily a life sentence, it is a sort of training for marriage -a more permanent affair. There’s a need to remember that there will always be someone who is seemingly better in some regard than your partner. If the stability of your relationship is then based on the presence or absence of “someone better”, then you are likely to never really enjoy stability and the peace that comes with it.

God, your father has integrity. He does not go back on His word. You are God’s child and you have His spirit. Hence, lack of integrity is not consistent with your nature. Your word is your bond. You don’t say yes in good times and come back to say no because there’s a seemingly better offer. There’ll always be a better offer. It takes discipline and understanding of your word being your bond to stay put and attempt to fix what may have gone wrong in your relationship.

Until the relationship is over, it’s not over!

You may take a while to ask her out or to accept his relationship offer, but when you do say yes, let it be yes. We don’t have an unstable Father. He is not irresponsible. And in this regard, as He is, so are we. If for good reason your decision to be in the relationship has to change, be sure, be sensitive, and be sincere about it. Don’t be the reason someone else becomes emotionally unstable, less confident, or too weak to believe in something as beautiful as love.

Stay where you are. You can fix it. Even if you’re leaving where you are, you’re not doing so to run straight into “greener pasture”. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Sometimes, you may need to cultivate your green grass where you are.

If you do have to leave, give yourself a break. Allow yourself some healing time, otherwise, you run the risk of going into a new relationship with residual habits, hurt, and toxicity from your last relationship.

Also, resist the urge to keep someone on the side as a sort of backup plan for if your relationship does not work out. It is undignifying of the person you are in Christ. While you may think you’re protecting yourself by keeping deputy sweethearts on the side, you’re doing more harm to yourself than you know. Yup! Your insecurities are gaining weight and you’ll only realize how much when you find the one heart you don’t want to break. You’ll keep looking to be sure they are not trying to break your heart- even if you’re dating the Prince of Peace.

You deserve better. You can have better, but it will not come from being an emotional pendulum.

Stay in one place!