ON EXES AND MOVING ON

Have you ever imagined how life would be if God told each of us to choose our experiences? I bet no one will ever choose heartbreak. That experience is often emotionally and psychologically draining and requires time and determination to heal.

It’s so draining, that the fear of dealing with heartbreaks has gotten a lot of people stuck in the wrong relationships. “How can I ever live without him?”, some wonder. “My whole life is built around her” others say. Consequently, they choose to stay rather than let go. 

Well, we are not dealing with heartbreaks today, but its product. Heartbreak leaves us with a set of humans that we refer to as “exes”. I wonder how the word “ex”  gained this referent. Colloquially, ‘Ex’ means past. In this context, it is the name we call those whom we had envisioned as part of our future. Possibly, they are people we thought we would spend the rest of our lives with but as a result of one thing or the other, the relationship we once treasured becomes a thing of the past. How painful!

Sometimes, we become so bitter. “Why on earth did he think of cheating on me?”, “Why would she lie to me?” and we keep asking unending questions. Some of us wish that the so-called ex would start regretting his or her actions immediately after the breakup. “He/she will never find someone like me again”, we say to console ourselves. We then feel disappointed when we see the ex happy or moving on with life as though nothing happened; as if he/she never missed us.

I remember a breakup experience of mine. I never had the opportunity to give that guy a piece of my mind after the breakup. I was more concerned about maintaining my ego,  I just said “okay” when he told me he wanted us to be nothing but friends. Later on, in every meeting where I had the opportunity to speak, I found myself always speaking about how some guys can be fake and how people should be careful of being deceived by mere words. Till date,  I still make jest of myself and how bitter I became during that experience.

Believe me, bitterness isn’t worth it. It drains you of the power to move on and be open to amazing relationships that you have. Bitterness keeps you in bondage and also gives place to the devil. So quit being bitter. It’s never an option!

Bitterness is never worth it. It keeps you in bondage and gives place to the devil. It drains you of the power to move on and be open to amazing relationships. It’s never an option! Click To Tweet

When it comes to handling exes, there is no one-size-fits-all formula to it. Individuals are different and the first thing to do is understand the type of individual you’re dealing with per time.

When it comes to handling exes, there is no one-size-fits-all formula to it. Individuals are different and the first thing to do is understand the type of individual you’re dealing with per time. Click To Tweet

A friend once told me that breakups do not necessarily have to be a result of arguments. It can be a result of mutual agreement. A mutual agreement describes a situation where the two partners realize some aspects of their lives that makes them incompatible. In such instance , maintaining friendship with the person you just broke up with is possible but not compulsory. Your decision to remain friends with the person should depend on the person in question.

For example, if you just left a toxic relationship, keeping a close friendship is not an option, however if you broke up based on mutual agreement, you can still relate but definitely, intimacy should be curtailed except you both desire to return to the relationship.

Maintaining friendship with the person you just broke up with is possible but not compulsory. Your decision to remain friends with the person should depend on the attitude of the  person in question. Click To Tweet

ONE THING IS KEY – YOU MUST FORGIVE. Someone once said you can either choose to forgive to reconcile or forgive to dissociate yourself from the partner. Whichever one you choose, let God lead you.

Another difficult aspect of a breakup is getting the thought of your partner off your mind. I remember saying ‘God, let this cup pass over me.’ Your ex is someone you have been used to talking to every day over a prolonged period. It’s possible he/she does a particular activity with you, which is now missing; getting that thought off your head can be difficult. However, it is a process. The fact that it is a process means it is gradual. Trust God with this process. Tell him to take you through it and help you heal. Believe me, it works!

Sometimes, out of zeal for an ex’s soul and under the guise of helping out, there is the temptation to want to be his messiah. ‘What if his fervency drops as a result of this breakup?’ ‘What if she returns to how she used to be before meeting her?’. May I announce once again that Jesus is still our only messiah! You cannot take his place.

Out of zeal for an ex’s soul and under the guise of helping out, there is the temptation to want to be his messiah. May I announce once again that Jesus is still our only messiah! You cannot take his place. Click To Tweet

If your relationship was impactful enough, it will never leave your ex the same way. You may not see the fruits at the point of letting go, but believe me, the seed would have been sown already. If you think you haven’t done enough, then commit the heart into God’s hand and He will do his work. Don’t stop praying for them but never attempt to take God’s place!

The place of God in every aspect of our lives cannot be underestimated. Allow Him to be the Lord of your thoughts and the King of your emotions. There is no better way to handle life’s situations (including handling exes) than that. God bless you!